I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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