I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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