I think I won the penis lottery.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
