mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
