was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
