Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
