i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
