Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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