So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
