I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
