So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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