Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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