Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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