guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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