After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
