Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this boner is exhausting
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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