omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
