i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
What drink are we having for lunch?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
