WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
