like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize