Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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