Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
