I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize