I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
