just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this boner is exhausting
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
