U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We got so high we made milksteak
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
