my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
