I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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