yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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