guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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