Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
