Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
