you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
