Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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