when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
