It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
