why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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