Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
