I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I need water and some morals
Randomize
