I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
