that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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