So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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