Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
