Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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