Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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