i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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