one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
