why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Tornado booty call.. dedication
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
