Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
