Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
