theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
