Got a toothbrush?
D3 body, D1 cock
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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