You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
