I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I supernannyed him into submission
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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