You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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