I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You're like the curious george of whores
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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