Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
