If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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