woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
