I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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