There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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