i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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