mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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