You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
