so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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