i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
