Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
