R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize