Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
