who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
